Posted at the depot by order of the Superintendent

The Untamed Audio Rail Road Company


Announces the opening of the

Circular Line

LOCO

A train, running around your guitar


Real kinematics  ·  No foley  ·  Ninety-nine cents


An engraved 4-4-0 American locomotive running across the prairie
The engine as she runs. Note that she does not stop for you.

Schedule of Service

FittingDuty
Throttle Speed. Shut the regulator all the way and she is stopped at the platform — there is no idle creep at the bottom of this knob, because a closed regulator is a standing train.
Whoosh The size of the loop, and how far off-centre you are standing in it. This is the depth control: at nothing she is a distant rumour, wound up she comes past close enough to move your hair.
Chug Four exhaust blasts to every turn of the wheel, each one a gate kicked open and falling away. This is modulation of your guitar, not noise laid over it.
Direction Which way she runs. Right is forward, left is reverse, and the middle brings her to a stand. She is heavy: ask her to turn round and she brakes, stops, and pulls away the other way — and the wheel on the pedal turns with her the whole time.
Sounds Silences the engine's own noises and leaves only what she is doing to you.
Brake Tap to bypass. Hold it and the shoes bite while she is still rolling — the squeal is a fermata you can put anywhere.
Dispatch Sends her. She answers with whatever the regulator is asking for and takes as long about it as her speed deserves.
The Lamp Press it and the line runs into a tunnel. No timetable mentions this and no agent will admit to it.
The Body Hold it and she sounds the whistle for as long as your foot is down — a three-pipe steam chime, on its own line, with the same Doppler and the same pan. Let go and the pipes empty over about a fifth of a second, sagging as the pressure goes.
An engraved three-pipe locomotive whistle venting steam
The chime: three pipes, voiced to a chord, with a great deal of breath in it.
An engraved station agent at a telegraph key holding a pocket watch
Speed changes are limited by acceleration, not by taste. The clock decides.
An engraved driving wheel and side rod
The exhaust beat comes off the wheel, so the picture on the pedal can never disagree with the sound.

Excursion Fare

One train. One track. One piece of geometry. She starts off in the distance, comes toward you, gets loud, gets bright, blows past, and disappears behind you before coming round the other side. The pan, the pitch, the brightness, the distance and the level all change together — because they are all the same motion. This is not a train sample flying across a stereo field. You are standing inside the track.

Your right hand is on the regulator too. Play softly and she eases into the loop; dig in and she surges. A pick attack pushes the run along rather than restarting it, so she answers how hard you played while continuing her orbit — which is what makes her playable instead of merely impressive.

She has mass. Open the regulator and she accelerates; shut it and she coasts down; ask her to reverse and she has to actually turn around. The chuffs come off the wheel itself, so they slow as she slows, drop to a tick at the stand, and build again as she pulls away. The train has somewhere to be — it just takes a moment to get there.

She costs you nothing in level. A passby spends most of its time far away, and far away is quiet — so the pedal measures what the geometry took and quietly hands it back.

Fits any pedalboard. Requires no coal, no water stop, and no permission from the Superintendent. There is no train recording in this pedal — the train is running. Ninety-nine cents.

Apply to the Agent

NAME LINE
STATION
DESTINATION CLASS

Tickets on sale soon — Mac · iPad · PC
RIDE
TO-DAY

Raise steam, then choose a record — or plug your own instrument in and drive her yourself. Drag the knobs. Hold the body for the whistle.

The Company assumes no responsibility for hats, and none whatever for tempo. Passengers are cautioned that the engine keeps her own time and will not be hurried past what her speed allows. Standing dead centre on the track is permitted and is in fact a setting. The tunnel is not shown on the published map. Whistle signals are at the discretion of the driver's foot. All distances are computed, none are recorded. Not a sampler. Not a Leslie.