Hear genuine

Atoms Splitin your basement!

Inside this A.L.A.R.A. reactor bass pedal Has secret sub-harmonic compartment. Civilian trial units now shipping.

An atomic test cloud rising over a desert range

99¢NO BOXTOP
REQUIRED

How Danny got the biggest sound on the block A true account · as reported by the Program

A young man with a bass and a small amplifier; his friends look bored — Poor Danny! Four strings and nothing underneath them. Even the fellows were yawning.

The crate arrives on the porch — Then the crate came — and Danny was chosen! He could not recall entering, but say — what luck!

The basement shakes as he steps on the pedal — One stamp of the foot and the whole house shook. Say — what a sound!

The neighbours applaud; a meter needle is pinned — Now the whole block comes to listen. The gentlemen took Danny's readings after.

Every atom accounted for

Rods — withdraw them and the reaction runs hotter. This is the throttle, and it is the only one.
Half-life — how long the low end hangs in the room after the note has gone.
Shield — lead between you and it. Turn it down at your own discretion.
The gauge — a genuine needle on a genuine movement. It is not decoration: it answers how hard you play, and the pedal answers it back.
Scram switch — drops the rods at once. Provided for your comfort.

It's a seething scientific sensation!

Actual octaves — split clean off the note itself, right inside the pedal, and no waiting. Other makers must first guess what note you are playing before they can answer it. Guess wrong on a low B, as they must, and the answer arrives sour, or late, or not at all.

A.L.A.R.A. never guesses, because A.L.A.R.A. never asks. There is no pitch tracker anywhere inside it. The wave itself is divided — a plain count of one, two, one, two — so the octave below is already there the instant your finger lands.

Heat is the whole trick. Play softly and the core idles. Dig in and it climbs, and everything downstream climbs with it: more fuzz, more crackle, more of that bottom that arrives like weather. Stop playing and it cools, in its own time, exactly as a real one would.

Prompt critical. Push the rods past the line on the gauge and the thing runs away with itself — the note bends, the floor moves, and the needle goes where needles are not supposed to go. Perfectly safe.^†

Fits any pedalboard. Requires no plutonium, no licence, and no cooperation from your bass player. Ninety-nine cents.

TRIAL UNIT

VOL

Power it on, then choose a record — or plug your own instrument in and play the unit yourself. Drag the knobs. Watch the needle.

Hurry — claim your trial unit today!

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† A.L.A.R.A. — As Low As Reasonably Achievable. Trial units are allocated to selected households in participating districts; the ninety-nine cents is payable on delivery. By operating this unit you consent to observation, sampling, and periodic measurement of the premises. Mild luminescence of soft furnishings is normal and should not be reported. Do not describe the shadow. The Program is unable to answer correspondence regarding the shadow. Householders reporting a fifth limb should continue as normal and await collection. Readings are the property of the Program. Not a toy. Not a weapon. Not a reactor.